New Year's Resolutions for 2008

Happy New Year! I don't usually make resolutions but this year will be an exception. Yes, 2008 is going to be a "loser-free" zone for me. I think but simply not answering my phone or responding to email I should be able to (almost) completely elminate exposure to the pantheon of losers I've endured in 2007. Of course I will also need to avoid the Red Parka at last call, but that goes without saying. In the spirit of aversion therapy, I will now enumerate, in reverse chronological order, the 2007 Parade of the Pathetic:

January
Richard from Portsmouth, had a nipple fetish (his, not mine)

February
Erik from Bridgeton, lived in an unheated cottage on a lake. The fumes from the kerosene space heater were a real turn-on.

March
This is bad - I forget his name but he was a lawyer from western MA. Drove through a storm for brunch in Southern NH, never to be heard from again.

April
David from Moultonboro - Nice, nice guy but absolutely no chemistry. My 10 year old could take him in a fight - had the body mass of a scarecrow.

May
Mike from NH - what was I thinking.

June
Rich from Mass. - rare circumstance where the guy was better looking than his photo. But he still lives with his parents. And admittedly doesn't pay rent. He nixed ME! Ugh!

July
Grant from Mass. - met him at a party. Had my tequila glasses on. Heard from him recently - he is now living in his CAR.

August
Took the month off from losers and went on vacation in Lake Tahoe. With more time I'm sure I could've explored the depths of loser-dom on the west coast but I digress.

September
Another nameless wonder - he was a builder from the Boston area. Much shorter than me - wouldn't have been an issue except we went out for dinner at a restaurant with outdoor seating on a deck. They put him in a plastic chair and me on a bench which gave me the vantage of looking down at the top of his head for most of the evening. I'm sure he enjoyed looking up at my chin.

October
Local guy, lot of fun, total barfly and seemingly only spends his time at the office or at the local bar scene. Bottoms up! Discovered that wearing a cheap blond wig and a short dress to the Parka can result in any number of solicitations.

November
Al from NY, total sociopath. Nuff said.

December
Erik from Maine resurfaced and is busy reminding me why we broke it off last spring. I was also hit on by a drunk guy at the aforementioned Red Parka who literally fell out of his chair when talking to me. Guys don't fall for me, they fall around me.

So Happy New Year - wish me luck in '08!