How I went from three to two to one to none in about ten days is beyond me. I guess it is either Darwin's law, common sense, sobering up or some combination of the three.
First one had it coming was Mr. Hawaiin Lai. Just nothing there, as nice as he was. He'd make a hell of a girlfriend but I don't think that's what he had in mind.
And Vinny the Firefighter - I deleted his number from my cell phone as I drove home from our last date. What was I thinking - this guy doesn't even have an email address. A veritable caveman! "I liked you better when you were drunk," was the last I heard from him. If only I could drink 24 hours a day like you, Vinny. God help the citizens of Revere!
And the Space Man ... hello? Space Man? Are you there? We seem to have lost contact with the probe. Houston, we have a problem. We could possibly regain contact but Mission Control is losing patience.
But it's summer in the mountains - what better aphrodisiac than warm starry nights, long days and lots of beer on the golf course. Surely, the numbers will be back in my favor soon!
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Okay so there is a guy in my town I have been thinking would be perfect to fix you up with for a long time. He's good looking. He's smart. He gets my clever quips and tosses back some himself. He understands literary references and pop culture with equal ease. He is a successful businessman.
Okay, so there are some warning signs. Like, he's 44 and never been married. And he still lives with his parents. He's got a successful business and never been married. And he lives with his parents. He never, ever has a date and does not mind at all being the fifth or seventh wheel on a group date. And did I mention he lives with his parents?
But again, he's good looking. And really interesting. My husband has never understood my (innocent enough for me to share with him constantly) infatuation with this guy.
Recently I was at a local bar and I bumped into a good friend who was recently divorced. She's fabulous. And beautiful. I was with this guy's best couple friends and I said "Oh wow, we need to set him up with her! She told me she even would be happy with just a quickie!" And the friends said, "He's probably not interested." Still, I was thinking he'd been good for you. Did I mention he lives with his parents?
So last Friday night I'm at a party he's at. He comes and hangs out with us. He tells me an incredibly funny and topical story about town politics in which he weaves in references to James Dean in "The Giant," imagery from the sinking ship band scene in "Titanic" and a few quotes from "The Sound and the Fury," I mean come on. He's good looking and can talk in that English major kind of sexy way?
Then I told him he looked really trim. He mentioned he had been running more. I commented that it was funny I never saw him running (our town is small). And he said:
(italics for impact here) "I only run in the dark. I look weird when I run so I don't like anyone to see me."
Okay, uncle. Good looks. Brains. Availability. None of it matters when I guess, at the end of the day, he's just another freak.
Bummer. And here I was doing all this flirting by osmosis for you!
Have you not read my blog and don't you realize that running in the dark would make this guy the least freaky of everyone I have dated?
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