The Ex Files

It is conventional wisdom that you are never supposed to talk about your Ex when you are out with someone, especially a first or second date. Now with first and second dates being my specialty, you would think that I would have met dozens of men who politely obey this edict, the only exception to politely explain that "things just didn't work out" but you were "still friends."

If you thought that, then you would be wrong.

I have found the Ex to be the #1 topic of conversation especially on the first date and usually within the first few minutes of meeting. So, for your reading pleasure, here is a run down of my favorite Ex-traordinary tales from the dating front:

Changing Teams - Mr. DVD Player In His Dashboard told me almost immediately that his Ex left him for another woman. After spending time with him, I can understand why.

Double Whammy - Mr. Hawaiian Lai told me that his Ex left him for the male Certified Nursing Assistant who was caring for her mother in a nursing home. Her frequent visits to her ailing mother were explained when she became pregnant by the CNA - while still married. Ouch. The bright side is that he discovered that divorce judges do not look kindly upon pregnant cheating wives when considering custody and child support issues, thereby restoring my faith in the American court system.

Dearly Departed - Mr. Nipple Fetish's long-time live in girlfriend drowned. I never did get to hear the details but after a few dates with him I suspect it was suicide.

Cheater, Cheater - This is the common theme to many. P.A.L.'s long time live in love left him for a married guy.

Bet the Farm - Mr. Marathon Man was in the process of parceling out and selling off parts of the farm that had been in his family for over 200 years because his mother willed the property to both of them, back when they were happily married. Apparently the previous 199 years of ancestors had had more sense than she.

The Never-Marrieds - The only thing worse than explaining how your marriage broke up is explaining how you reached your 40s or 50s and never managed to get married. Mr. Dorm Room, Jesus of the Long Hair and P.A.L. all managed to live commitment-free lives. Ladies, when you hear this, run.

And my story. I give the "things just didn't work out" but we're "still friends" tale. I really do think how you talk about your ex - be it husband or boyfriend - reflects more on you than they. Because the smiling first date of today could easily be the lambasted Ex of next year.