He's Just Not That Into You

After hitting some rough patches while dating early on in my single life-dom, I bought the popular book, "He's Just Not That Into You." It gives single gals all sorts of handy advice to help them understand that they deserve better than the losers they have invited into their lives, and how to avoid falling into the same trap over and over gain.

I think I should've bought more than one copy, or perhaps bought the extra large type edition as I seem unable to get even the basics right, charging again and again into the arms of the wrong man, then wondering what I did wrong.

Tonight I went out with a group of friends from work, including Spaceman, who is doing some photography for the company I work for. As I drove home (alone) afterwards, I thought how his behavior was so completely unlike what one would expect from a man that you've been dating for months. No arm around the shoulders, did not offer to walk me to my car when I left (albeit earlier than the rest of the group), no query as to when I might be free again later in the week. Just a rant on how terribly busy he is at work.

I had thought about asking him about a round of golf or inviting him over for dinner the next day, but why waste the effort when I already know the answer. He recently informed me (by email) that he "will be working every day until midnight or beyond until further notice." And to answer the question, yes, I do need a house to land on me.

So rather than get angry, I came home and pulled out my dog-eared copy of the book and re-read the good advice it offered:

He's Busy - Just because he's busy doesn't make him more valuable. "Busy" does not mean "better." The word "busy" is the relationship Weapon of Mass Destruction. Remember, men are never too busy to get what they want.

The He's Out of Town Excuse - If he's not making a serious effort to make sure that while he's out of town you don't go out and find someone else, then I think you've just boarded the he's just not that into you jet. Buckle up!

It's Better Than Nothing - Is better than nothing what we're going for now? Have you lost your marbles?

"I know that guy you are dating - he is the man made up entirely of your excuses. And the minute you stop making excuses for him, he will completely disappear from your life."

So it is with this re-reading that it is becoming increasingly clear that Spaceman must soon go the way of Machine Gun Man. I'm done making excuses. It hurts me to just sit back and watch the inevitable dissolution. But it brings to mind the childhood ditty:

Yesterday Upon the Stair
I Met a Man Who Wasn't There
He Wasn't There Again Today
I Wish That He Would Go Away