Fire Breathing Jesus

Happy Halloween. This time of year will always remind me of one of the first guys I dated when I got divorced, one I have occasionally and affectionately referred to as "Jesus" in this blog. In case you were afraid I was falling prey to religion, rest assured I was just referring to someone who had an uncanny resemblance to the Messiah, and trust me, only in appearance with no other shared traits.

Jesus and I met online when he was training as an EMT, taking a temporary break in this line of work from being a Super Gen-i-us (please read this like Wiley Coyote would) for a variety of technology companies. He wrote a book on XML which apparently was the bible on the subject (he he - get it? bible?) for some time.

He agreed to the long drive north to New Hampshire to meet up for our first date. As luck would have it, he was the first on the scene of a car accident on a dark rural road on the drive up.

He arrived, wild eyed with glass in his long hair, an hour late but excited about his first "real" EMT encounter. We went out to dinner as he regaled me about himself. Including a rather long story about his working on the TV show, "Kukla, Fran and Ollie"

We went back to my place where he read my tarot cards until 3am, whereupon he left and drove 100 miles home.

Our next date was in his next of the woods, northern Mass. I noticed his neck was bright red. Apparently it was from his attending a Halloween Party the night before where he went as Jesus. But not just any Jesus. He was a fire breathing Jesus.

In addition to being a super gen-i-us, life-saving, EMT, book-writin' computer programmer, he was also skilled in the art of FIRE BREATHING. This involved putting some sort of fuel in his mouth and lighting it as he spewed it outwards. For Halloween, he wore a Jesus robe and did his trick for his fellow party goers. Go figure.

I think one of the reasons he wanted to date me was to me was to prove that he was smarter than me. He was, but he was rather unattractive in his zest to prove this to me. My online ad said I wanted someone who could "keep up with me." Of course, I was talking about physically (skiing, biking, hiking, etc.) but he took it as a intellectual challenge.

I knew our days were numbered when he cancelled plans with me because he was having friends over. He couldn't include me in the plans because these were friends from his ivy-league college who shared his PhD level of education. No Bachelor's Degrees allowed, and certainly not one from a state college.

We ended it over a drink in Harvard Square. I had driven 2 hours to see him, to break things off. He was over an hour late and I stupidly sat at the bar waiting for him, to say goodbye. I hugged him and left minutes after he finally arrived.

So much for emotional intelligence.

Halloween will also always remind me of one of my first dates with PAL. In his off hand way, he did not really invite me to join him at a Halloween Party at a local bar. I arrived dressed as Paris Hilton and showed up an hour early by accident. The other patrons at the bar, there for dinner and not for the costume party, thought I was just a prostitute killing time at the bar.

After several hours, I gave up hope that PAL was coming when he came in, took my hand and swept me onto the dance floor to the strains of Prince's "Raspberry Beret." He had me at, "is that a Chihuahua in your purse?"

But we know how this story ends.

This year, I'm making sure I'm occupied for Halloween. I'm working until midnight. No use inviting the ghosts of Halloweens past to remind me of where I've been.