Nickel'd and Dimed

OK, just when I was thinking Mr. Normal (aka Hawaiian Lai Guy) was rising to the top of the heap - it happened. He asked me to go with him to a concert, and to meet his friends. Then he emails me a link where I can go online to buy my ticket.

Just to be certain I wasn't mis-reading his note, I asked "are you telling me to buy my own ticket or are you showing me the link so I know more about the concert." He clarified that he did indeed expect me to pay for my own ticket - although he would do me the favor of buying both tickets and that "I could pay him back later." This after going dutch for our rather modest first two dates.

For the record, most guys do offer to pay. And when they do I always offer to chip in, pay the tip, catch the next round, etc. It's all in the offering. Believe me, I don't do all this dating for the free food. Money isn't the issue for me.

I flash back to the year after high-school. David Bowie was playing at Foxboro Stadium. An overweight friend of a friend lured me into a date with him by offering up those tasty concert tickets. Even he, at the ripe age of 19, had the sense to pay for them.

At the very earliest stages of my new single-dom, I went out with a physician who made a point of showing me the bill at the pricey inn we dined at, post Frankenstein Cliff Hike (see earlier post). I figured for that amount of effort, he owed me dinner.

Next I went out with a guy who I will affectionately refer to as "Fried Dough Man." At the end of our first date, the bill sat nervously on the table top post-meal until I suggested we go dutch. "Does Dutch mean you pay?" he inquired. "No, it means we split it, moron (OK, I didn't say that but body language is everything)."

Because he was an airline pilot I gave him a second chance. We went to a country fair. Again, nothing to break the bank. He paid the $6 entrance fee and bought us each a fried dough. At this point of the evening - about 15 minutes into it - he announced he was out of money. This as we walked past a bank of ATM machines.

So I said, no problem, I have cash. I bought us rides on the Ferris wheel, hot apple crisp and other various carnival goodies. As we were leaving, he stopped at a stand and said he was thirsty and wanted me to buy him water. At this point I too was out of cash, so he pulls out his wallet - where I see a wad of $20 bills. So he was never actually OUT of money. He was out of money for ME!

As gal pal Larissa said after telling her of the evening, "Oh, he was out of PUSSY money! He had reached the amount he was willing to pay for the chance at sex with you!" (Programming note: She was right). A silent ride back from Fryberg was the last I saw of him.

So Mr. Hawaiian Lai - how much is it worth to you? And you, you girl, you writing this - what is your pride going for nowadays? I have ruminated on this since I got the email about the concert. I really want to go (and will go, fuck it).

But generosity has many faces. I lived so long with someone who was parsimonious - mostly in his lack of kindness towards me. So at this fragile stage of a relationship (third date), sending me the $35 bill for my ticket makes me question things. Is this just someone assuming as a modern gal that I want to pay my own way, or a symptom of a bigger problem? Only time will tell.

In the meantime ... check please!