Now's It's Just Getting Silly

When I was 12 or 13 years old, my 18 year old sister went out with a guy a few times and then no longer wanted to see him. She was not much of a dater so even by age 18 she had very little experience with the task at hand. So she and my mother - who now I realize was criminally negligent - concocted a scheme by which I would call the gentleman in question to tell him to shoo.

The women in my family are famous for their rather distinctive low speaking voices. So even despite my tender years, I sounded very much like my older sister. And since both my mother and cherished older sister said it was OK, I pretended to be her when he called. "You sound funny." He caught on quickly. "I just have a cold. Sorry, I don't want to see you any more. Bye!"

I'm not sure what I got for the dirty deed. Knowing my older siblings, it was probably a hit of blotter acid or a six pack of Heffenreffer. Either way, I see how incredibly inappropriate it was for my sister, let alone my fucking MOTHER, to recruit me for this deception.

However, at this very moment in time, I am wishing I had a little sister.

Because Lonnie Ray is absolutely, positively, driving me CRAZY.

Two days ago we made plans for dinner Thursday night (see previous blog). Today while I was running errands, my cell phone rang and I let it go to voice mail. I figured I would return calls when I got home after lunch. As I was fixing my salad, my home phone rang, which I again ignored. Shortly thereafter, my cell phone rang again. After lunch, I saw that yes, all three calls within that one hour period were from LR.

I called him back - "Are you OK?" he asked plaintively, "I'm sorry if I'm annoying you."

"Is something wrong with YOU?" I replied. He then reconfirmed our dinner plans, said (yes) I miss you (!!!!!!) and hung up.

Not 30 minutes later another phone call. I was busy mopping the floor. "Why can't you come down tomorrow night instead?" Um, job? Family? Commitments? Plans with SANE people? I had already told him I have a crazy work schedule so this question was spurious.

Then as I logged in to check email, a message from him which he sent after the 4th phone call, with a follow up question from our last conversation not 25 minutes previous.

I am carefully considering how best to dispatch him. Paul Simon's song did not cover this one. If my sister had a phone, I would call her and ask for payback. It's a bitch.