The Breakup Thread

Recently #1 request from my blog readers (OK, the only request) was that I write a "dumping" thread explaining how all these great relationships ended. Here goes:

Marathon Man - One guy knew he was a goner almost before we started. On our second date he pleaded with me not to let him down until after he completed running the Boston Marathon in a few weeks. So of course I waited until 4 days before the big race and dumped him then. Talk about Heartbreak Hill. Sorry!

World's Oldest Co-Ed - One guy I just quit cold turkey after seeing his place. Grown men shouldn't live in studio apartments with milk crates and saw horses for furniture. It was like he never moved out of his college dorm room. Toga!

This Profile Blocked - After engaging me in a debate on my political point of view on a first date, this guy made me watch a Fleetwood Mac video on a DVD installed in his SUV's DASHBOARD. As I was scurrying down the driveway at the end of the date, he announced loudly that he didn't think we had any "chemistry." Then he blocked my user name from seeing his profile on the dating site we met on (like I was interested).

The "Fade" - I didn't realize this technique had a name until I asked a male friend for advice when someone wasn't returning phone calls. The Fade involves slowly cutting back on contact until it ends all together (aka - to fade out). Akin to boiling a frog slowly - by the time it realizes what has happened it's toast.

The Doctor - My very first online date was with a doctor - a real live MD. I was so fucking proud of myself. Until he started tapping his fingers on the table as I was finishing up my coffee towards the end of our dinner date. But he did call me back for a second date. A winter hike up Frankenstein Cliff in thigh-deep snow. There was no third date (see "The Fade" above).

OK, that's it for tonight. I had two dates this weekend so with any luck, I'll have more dumpings to describe in future posts!

Phototrocities

OK, my faithful readers (ok, reader) have asked me why no blogs lately. It was a combination of despair and apathy that has overtaken me for the last 10 months. But here goes.

One recent potential paramour described himself as "heavy set" in his ad could have been a body double for Jabba the Hutt. And to make matters worse, he emails me about 20 photos - only two of which feature him. The rest are photos from his Mexican vacation with his sister. One, he explains, you "can't really see him." It's because he is the size of a grain of rice going down what must be the largest water slide in Cancun. The Aztec ruins were more interesting.

Then there are the guys who, instead of sending photos of themselves alone, try to crop out their ex in a picture of the couple together. A bit of shapely arm or blonde hair below the black box covering her face always gives it away.

Few quick hits and misses from my online dating scene since my last post (all true):
* The guy that farted in public on a date.
* The guy that emailed me 80 megs of MP3 files after I told him I liked music ... and then quizzed me on which songs I liked best. It just about took down the server (sorry Andrea!). Oh, and he sent it from his DIAL UP connnection.
* The guy with the serious speech impediment.
* The guy I drove through a blizzard for our first date (I hate to cancel).
* And one more foot fetish guy.

I feel like I'm forgetting someone here - I'm sure I'll remember it later and come back for another post. Stay tuned!