What's New Pussycat

Long time blog reader Michelle recently called and asked why no postings lately. I started by saying that there was nothing new and then went on to rattle off half a dozen amusing anecdotes. So I realized it was time to post once again. Unfortunately, my stories are much like summer re-runs on TV. If you feel you have heard these before, you are probably right.

Here are my lasting musings, in no particular order.

Return of Machine Gun Man - Since he was kind enough to lend me his resort condo recently, I arranged for him to get a deal on the same at my sister resort in Cal. where he currently resides. He said he had recently met the girl of his dreams and wanted to take her away for Labor Day.

Fast forward to Monday, Labor Day, at what must have been dawn west coast time. A text message comes from him: "She's crazy! This whole weekend was a disaster!" Talk about the pot calling the kettle black. Apparently she had a diva like rant on the ride up, and then proceeded to wear sweatpants to bed and rebuke his advances all weekend.

"She never even got to see the magic that happens when the sun sets," he texted. Yes, that is a real quote. I can say from experience that yes, she will never know what she missed. Remember, I even liked him for the first weekend we went away.

He promised to call me the next time he is back on the east coast. Why let all that talent go to waste.

Spaceman Take 2 - Drunken hook up at the Cave. Literally no way to even find the bed, let alone use it, so the kitchen had to do. Knocked the pots and pans off the counter. Managed to clear off enough crap off the worn leather couch (including the dog) to find a place to (not) sleep for the evening. Not a word since. When will I learn?

Coffee anyone? - This month's Oprah magazine has an article by a single divorced woman who is trying to date 100 guys in a year, meeting each of them for coffee only. This is brilliant. I realize that to properly manage my time with all these losers, I really need to lessen the time commitment. So I'm meeting a guy from Portland for coffee tomorrow. "Just tell me where and I'll point my GPS in your direction!" he gleefully suggested. He's a big skier and outdoorsman; all his pictures are him outside enjoying various activities. I'll give him 15 minutes and see what happens.

Kansas City, Kansas City Here I Come - "I know I'm far away, but before you say no, please, just read my profile. I own 5 guitars and have a studio, and have been a musician all my life and even though I live in Missouri, I think we can over come the distance thing if it's meant to be. I'm also a golf nut" This is one frontier I haven't crossed yet - long distance. I mean, really long distance. As in, further than Portland long distance. If he has lots of frequent flyer points, maybe this could work.

That and it would be really really easy to dump him after it doesn't work out after 3 dates.

The Biggest Loser

My life is like a reality TV Show. Except the losers I'm meeting aren't losing weight, they are the real kind.

 

Take Dave (please, take Dave). Called me last night from a TENT in the northern wilds of NH. "Oh, that's nice? Are you on vacation?" I asked innocently. "No, it's cheaper than a hotel. And since I lost my job, it's the best I can afford for the contract work I'm doing now when it requires travel."

 

He then went on to tell me what's wrong with women my age (!) and what they are looking for. He also shared that he hates anyone who doesn't share his love of moving frequently (ie he is borderline itinerent). In other words, anyone with a job and family. Click!

 

I ended the phone call swiftly - I have my own tent and camping alone would be preferable to the reality of this loser.