Garden Variety Pervert

OK, so the pilot guy I mentioned last night. Yeah, just a garden variety pervert looking for women online. Started out innocuous enough then starts asking questions that would make a sailor blush (this is on Yahoo IM).

I was like, "would you ask me that if you met me in a bar?" "But we're not in a bar!" That's the problem with the internet - complete anonymity breeds abnormal behavior.

Then he tells me he is a multi-millionaire and asks me to take my shirt off. I suggested that with all his money he could just go to any number of websites and find women willing to do this for him. (PROGRAMMING NOTE - AT THIS POINT, I AM CONTINUING THE CONVERSATION FOR THE SOLE PURPOSE OF GETTING MORE FODDER FOR THIS BLOG).

He then tells me he is sitting naked with a bowl of fruit in his lap (yeah, you can't make this shit up). Suggests we get together and he can give me a massage. So I asked innocently, "wouldn't you rather have a cup of coffee first?"

At this point, he's on to me. Apparently perverts don't like having their perversions made fun of. So he logged off rather abruptly.

I've decided to take down the craigslist ad when I'm on vacation next week - I hate to leave all those weirdos hanging in limbo until I return.

NEXT UP - a comparison of online dating sites OR pick a site based on the type of losers you want to attract!

With Friends Like These

My friends seem to be fascinated with my online dating adventures and the accolades on my blog are pouring in.

Thanks Michelle for these observations:
"You are a take-charge kind of woman... no question you have the makings of a fantastic Dominatrix. And as in all things, I think if you put your mind to it, there's no man you couldn't master. You probably are one of the few women who would have the stamina to take on Mr. Lift and Carry and Mr. Tie Me Up at the same time and make it work...because you know, it's all about them."

And Andrea, who for reasons she won't reveal, told me she was cruising the "women looking for men" listings on Craigslist and wondered if she had found my ad. She had, but the bigger question is ... pumpkin, is there something you want to tell us? The only thing more pathetic than having an online ad is reading others online ads.

OK, gotta run. I have plans to chat with someone tnoight that I'm sure has some sort of bizarre fetish he has yet to reveal. He's a pilot and looks kinda middle-eastern so maybe I can help avert the next terrorist attack when I tie him up to the bedposts.

Hello, Mr. Sub-Dom!

OK, latest true story. Another craigslist respondee. He looks and sounds too good to be true. Few email exchanges, then ...

... starts asking about if I'd like to tie him up. Humiliate him.

What IS it about me that attracts this type? First the Lifting and Carrying dude (see previous post). Now Mr. Tie Me Up.

So, no thanks but I think you and Mr. Lifting/Carrying should hook up and go halfsies on a Dominatrix. Maybe she can tie up one of you when the other rides around on her back.

Welcome to My Nightmare

OK, after pursuing dating sites for the last few months, I've decided that it would be better to laugh than the cry. So after reading the latest craigslist ads for the Boston area, tears of laughter streaming down my face, I've decided to start posting some of the funniest and oddest that I've found on that and other sites, plus any other amusing observations on the topic.

This guy would be a catch for some lucky gal looking for the angry and bitter type (excerpt from an email to me):

I'll make a deal with you . . .
I've been bamboozled way too many times here at
Craig's to give you my pic first, so please, you show
me you are a real person, by sending your photo first,
and I promise you I will send mine.

I am very interested in seeing you, so don't pass me
up. I'm just really tired of sending out photos and
getting no repsonses, and it's not cause I'm an ugly
git, it's because of all the imposters and frauds at
Craig's, people bored out of their skulls that have
nothing better to do that screw around with everyone
else here.


Then there was the guy who had an email address with ".webtv.com" - I wrote back to him just because I wanted to know more about the last person in the US using WebTV. Did you know it still exists? It does!

Then my favorite from yesterday ... a craigslist posting headlined "DRINKING BITCH WANTED." Sign me up!

Then there was the complete asshole who, upon meeting me for the first time, decided to engage me in a political debate within minutes of my sitting down. He kept saying things like "Fox News is fair and balanced." I begged him to change the subject but no.... he also had a DVD player in his SUV dashboard which of course confirmed that he was a total prick.

Then I signed up for a site that's for fitness buffs (yes, I am one). I got a few emails from a seemingly nice guy who, after a few emails exchanges, asked if I thought I was strong enough to lift a grown man. Um, I don't think so. Dug deeper onto his Yahoo profile and found out he belongs to a group that caters to a fetish I didn't even know existed - Lifting and Carrying. It's true, Google it, apparently there is a fetish for everyone. But not for me, Mr. "Can you Carry Me." I spent the last 13 years lugging around dead weight (aka my ex) so why would I want to now do the same literally with you, you loser.

The emails are coming fast and furious from my latest postings so I'll continue to share best of the worst.