OK, so Lonnie Ray had such a good time Saturday night that he is now peppering me with emails. Not everyone is a great writer but tell me, if you got the note below, what the hell would you think? If you never met him, would you think he was writing an Internet scam email from Russia? It's like English as a Second Language. But he's like a fourth generation New Hampshire resident, living on the family farm his grandfather's grandfather built.
If anyone can translate this for me, please post a comment below because I have no fucking clue:
"So how are you? You are so beautiful!!!You were so wonderful and you were so awesome!! I was like dear lord someone whom is so nice and so together....I thought no way, there can't be a woman as so in tune with in herself that we could be talking so indifferent. Although at the same time be talking perfectly then again I would not say that as to ourselves would be perfect. Take this as my true appreciation of the person you are."
Is he being poetic? Or is he just a bad writer? It's a fine line between the two. I like the part about my being beautiful - I mean, who can deny that if you've met me. But the "a woman so in tune with herself that we could be talking so indifferent" - a musical use of syllables or a confused mind? You decide.
I also googled his full name (I have only posted his first and middle name, in case you were wondering) up came a post from the Concord Monitor for an arrest 2 years ago and a federal court listing for a $25,000 debt default in Michigan. If you google my name, you will find that I am really, really into skiing. That's it.
So a romantic poetic vocabulary-impaired luthier with federal debt and a police record. Did I mention the dimple on his chin?
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Lost
It's been a busy few weeks and I have lots of characters to report on. I swear, there are some guys I meet up with solely to provide fresh fodder for the blog.
Case in point - the slovenly dude I met up with Friday night for drinks after work. He showed up dressed in a sweat shirt and 5 o'clock shadow. Let's just say he was not as attractive as his borderline photo. He was a working musician and guitar teacher so I thought he might have a cool factor beyond his sketchy appearance.
That assumption went out the window when the waitress asked if we wanted rolls with our meal. "Only if they are free," he replied. The waitress actually said "WOW! No, we don't charge extra for them." When the bill came, I didn't bother to wait to see if he picked up the tab. Rules or no rules, I did not care to be beholden to someone who I had no intention of seeing again. But worse yet, he did not put in enough for his share of the tip. "Is 10% enough," he asked. "No, it's not," I said as I put down enough for a decent tip. I ran to my car.
In other Rules updates, I mentioned that my last time out with Mr. Craigslist that he had dropped his mother off at the hospital. Following the Rules, I did not call him or email him, even though I was concerned for both him and his mom. He was clearly distracted the whole evening. I let a whole 10 days go by without contacting him, just enough time to go through the death, wake and funeral. That's right - his mother died the next day. I only found out by viewing his Facebook page where apparently more thoughtful friends had posted their condolences.
I felt badly so I called and I invited him over the other night. Thanks to Facebook, I knew he liked the show "Lost" and we watched the premiere together. It was a mellow night. I have to say, just having someone to hang out with and watch TV on the couch was nice for a change. But per my earlier posting, this one is moving slowly and me, with all my abnormal paramours, isn't quite sure what to do with him.
Since it is moving so slowly I did not turn down the invite last night to go out with someone a friend suggested. Tall, good looking, dimple on the chin type, he has a name that sounds like a country-western ditty -- Lonny Ray. He is a luthier and a guitar player in addition to being easy on the eyes. AND he didn't ask the waitress if he had to pay for rolls. Promising!
Meanwhile, back at the Sad Cafe, I had the misfortune of sitting next to PAL at an industry dinner recently. He continues to behave inappropriately towards me. I leaned over and spoke to him like a retarded pre-schooler. "You need to stop that. You are just hurting my feelings. Do you understand?" He doesn't understand that flirting with someone whose heart you broke weeks ago is bad form.
Meanwhile, Mr. Maple Latte (aka Spaceman) is still circling hoping for a plum work assignment from me. I was almost relieved when a better candidate came along recently. I won't call or tell him in person if I give the assignment to someone else - I'll just send an obtuse email and let him figure it out. Not that I'm bitter or anything.
Then there's Wild Thing, who sent me a text message saying he's back in town weekend after next. While this meets the Rules lead time requirement, at this point, I barely remember what he looks like and am totally turned off at the concept of being his north country hook up for when he's in town doing business here. Never was my intention and I would need to see quite the change of heart to even consider hanging out with him again. He claims to be too busy but Christ, I'm as busy as they get and look at all the time I have to go out on dates.
So two decent candidates in play; one also ran; two has-beens; and one dud. You need a scorecard to keep up with this cast.
Case in point - the slovenly dude I met up with Friday night for drinks after work. He showed up dressed in a sweat shirt and 5 o'clock shadow. Let's just say he was not as attractive as his borderline photo. He was a working musician and guitar teacher so I thought he might have a cool factor beyond his sketchy appearance.
That assumption went out the window when the waitress asked if we wanted rolls with our meal. "Only if they are free," he replied. The waitress actually said "WOW! No, we don't charge extra for them." When the bill came, I didn't bother to wait to see if he picked up the tab. Rules or no rules, I did not care to be beholden to someone who I had no intention of seeing again. But worse yet, he did not put in enough for his share of the tip. "Is 10% enough," he asked. "No, it's not," I said as I put down enough for a decent tip. I ran to my car.
In other Rules updates, I mentioned that my last time out with Mr. Craigslist that he had dropped his mother off at the hospital. Following the Rules, I did not call him or email him, even though I was concerned for both him and his mom. He was clearly distracted the whole evening. I let a whole 10 days go by without contacting him, just enough time to go through the death, wake and funeral. That's right - his mother died the next day. I only found out by viewing his Facebook page where apparently more thoughtful friends had posted their condolences.
I felt badly so I called and I invited him over the other night. Thanks to Facebook, I knew he liked the show "Lost" and we watched the premiere together. It was a mellow night. I have to say, just having someone to hang out with and watch TV on the couch was nice for a change. But per my earlier posting, this one is moving slowly and me, with all my abnormal paramours, isn't quite sure what to do with him.
Since it is moving so slowly I did not turn down the invite last night to go out with someone a friend suggested. Tall, good looking, dimple on the chin type, he has a name that sounds like a country-western ditty -- Lonny Ray. He is a luthier and a guitar player in addition to being easy on the eyes. AND he didn't ask the waitress if he had to pay for rolls. Promising!
Meanwhile, back at the Sad Cafe, I had the misfortune of sitting next to PAL at an industry dinner recently. He continues to behave inappropriately towards me. I leaned over and spoke to him like a retarded pre-schooler. "You need to stop that. You are just hurting my feelings. Do you understand?" He doesn't understand that flirting with someone whose heart you broke weeks ago is bad form.
Meanwhile, Mr. Maple Latte (aka Spaceman) is still circling hoping for a plum work assignment from me. I was almost relieved when a better candidate came along recently. I won't call or tell him in person if I give the assignment to someone else - I'll just send an obtuse email and let him figure it out. Not that I'm bitter or anything.
Then there's Wild Thing, who sent me a text message saying he's back in town weekend after next. While this meets the Rules lead time requirement, at this point, I barely remember what he looks like and am totally turned off at the concept of being his north country hook up for when he's in town doing business here. Never was my intention and I would need to see quite the change of heart to even consider hanging out with him again. He claims to be too busy but Christ, I'm as busy as they get and look at all the time I have to go out on dates.
So two decent candidates in play; one also ran; two has-beens; and one dud. You need a scorecard to keep up with this cast.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Life by the Rules Part 2
So loyal blog readers want to know, how is life going by the rules?
The reason I have not posted is that I have been vewwy vewwwy quiet, waiting for the phone to ring and NOT making any outbound calls.
And finally, after an eleven day silence, Mr. Wild Things finally called. This after multiple text messages which I ignored telling me how very terribly horribly busy he is. "You think I'm a douchebag, don't you?" he asked at the end of our conversation, where in a Rules-like fashion, I did not betray my very pissed-offed-ness for his now-broken silence.
I listened to him rant and rave about his workload and his not-quite-yet-ex spouse and then eloquently asked how HE was doing, and how I did look forward to seeing him again sometime.
Per the Rules, I ended the call first. He is out of town until the end of the month so we'll see where it goes from here.
Meanwhile, the other guy (there's always another guy) my girlfriend is trying to hitch me up with is emailing and calling to set up a time to meet with me. A foot of snow made us cancel last week's date, but we've rescheduled for next Sunday. This meets the Rules rule on asking me out far enough in advance (Sunday for next Sunday? works for me!).
And of course, dating two of them at once is totally Rules-oriented. Apparently this is permittable until an engagement ring is on one's finger. What fun and no guilt necessary.
Gal Pal Michelle thinks the Rule regarding not returning phone calls is just rude. I can't say I disagree, but since it seems to be working, I'm going to go with it.
I admit to one rules-breaking act. I texted Mr. Wild Thing and wished him safe travels today. I may be a Rules Girl, but that's no reason to be rude.
The reason I have not posted is that I have been vewwy vewwwy quiet, waiting for the phone to ring and NOT making any outbound calls.
And finally, after an eleven day silence, Mr. Wild Things finally called. This after multiple text messages which I ignored telling me how very terribly horribly busy he is. "You think I'm a douchebag, don't you?" he asked at the end of our conversation, where in a Rules-like fashion, I did not betray my very pissed-offed-ness for his now-broken silence.
I listened to him rant and rave about his workload and his not-quite-yet-ex spouse and then eloquently asked how HE was doing, and how I did look forward to seeing him again sometime.
Per the Rules, I ended the call first. He is out of town until the end of the month so we'll see where it goes from here.
Meanwhile, the other guy (there's always another guy) my girlfriend is trying to hitch me up with is emailing and calling to set up a time to meet with me. A foot of snow made us cancel last week's date, but we've rescheduled for next Sunday. This meets the Rules rule on asking me out far enough in advance (Sunday for next Sunday? works for me!).
And of course, dating two of them at once is totally Rules-oriented. Apparently this is permittable until an engagement ring is on one's finger. What fun and no guilt necessary.
Gal Pal Michelle thinks the Rule regarding not returning phone calls is just rude. I can't say I disagree, but since it seems to be working, I'm going to go with it.
I admit to one rules-breaking act. I texted Mr. Wild Thing and wished him safe travels today. I may be a Rules Girl, but that's no reason to be rude.
Monday, January 05, 2009
Life by the Rules
As I walked into the bookstore, my eyes scanned the signs marking the categories of each book type. But where would one find "The Rules"? Sci-Fi? Fantasy? Fiction? There it was - in "Relationships" nestled between books on how to revive your sex life and "Men are From Mars, Women from Venus."
The wedding ring on the cover is distracting because I frankly don't give a shit if I get married again. But if this stupid little book can help me avoid all the brain damage of dating so many losers and not landing the good ones, bring it on.
There are 379 pages of rules and I am only through the first 94 pages, but given the urgency of my situation, I am going for the Cliff Notes edition. I am going to obey the very core Rule and that is Rule #5 - Don't Call Him and Rarely Return His Calls.
It is interesting that this book was written in the 90s prior to the internet, email, texting or Facebook. Quaint but one can pretty much extrapolate the same for new media.
So I am now ignoring everyone and sure enough, they are coming out of the wood work.
First off, Mr. Craigslist kept sending me Facebook notes implying I should call him. I ignored him and he finally called yesterday and we went out last night.
We met up at a local brewpub and I arrived first. Spaceman unfortunately was there and sidles over. "You look all dolled up," he says as he plants his ass on the stool next to me. "Yes, I'm on a date. Can you please go away?" I hissed at him. "MMM! You smell nice too! Did you curl your hair?"
"You are like a troll under a bridge," I told him as I literally shoved him off the stool. But too late. Mr. CL walks in and I have the awkwardness of introducing them. "This is a photographer I've worked with. He was just leaving."
We ended up at a nice inn for dinner and drinks but CL was distracted. He had spent the afternoon at the hospital with his mother with a broken ankle. He actually LEFT her at the hospital so as to not break off the date with me. "Oh my god, if you need to leave, I totally understand." "Nah, she was unconscious anyway." He was distracted and unhappy for most of the evening, looking at his watch and noting when the time came that she was scheduled for surgery.
As we finished up our cocktails my cell phone buzzed with the tattletale sound of a text message. "Don't you want to get that?" he asked. I played it cool and ignored it - it could be no good. Probably Spaceman continuing his heckling digitally. So I scurried into the restroom with my phone. It was from Wild Thing. "Hope you had a nice New Year. Talk to you this week."
I instantly typed in a reply ... then remembered Rule #5. Don't call him, and rarely return his calls. I deleted my text without sending it and coolly put the phone back in my purse. This is going to be tough but I felt in control for the first time in a long time.
The date ended early and in a Beldar-like fashion (KJ will know what this means). It's all or nothing with me - and in this case, it was a big nothing. According to Rule #9, dates #1-3 should be like "being and nothingness - dress nice, be nice, good bye and go home. Not too much investment." Boy, I've been doing this one wrong! By Rules standards, this was a great date, but by my standards, not so much. There will not be a fourth date with this guy.
Meanwhile back at the ranch, a friend has introduced me to a nice guy I talked to at length by phone (yes, he called me). We had made plans for last night that I cancelled due to Mr. CL (very un-Rules like but I'm still a beginner here). "That will just make him want you even more," loyal blog reader KJ dished. She's probably right. If I'm just abusive, rude and non-responsive, I'll have them all at my fingertips.
So let's see how I did this week as a Rules Girl:
Rule #1 - Be a Creature Unlike Any Other - check
Rule #2 - Don't Talk to a Man First - check (at least the last 3)
Rule #4 - Don't Go Dutch on a Date - check (good to know this)
Rule #5 - Don't Call Him & Rarely Return His Calls - tough but working on it
Rule #7 - Don't Accept a Sat. Night Date after Wednesday (I am way too busy to follow this one)
Rule #8 - Fill up Your Time Before the Date - check, did my nails, hair, had a glass of wine
Rule # 9 - How to Act on Dates 1-3 - need to work on this one; 50/50 success rate
Rule #11 - Always End the Date First - check
That's as far as I've gotten in the book. I'm going to focus on #5 since I have already seen its effect on Wild Thing. I've got the day off from work, I'm in my PJs and I've got another 237 pages of Rules to go through.
The wedding ring on the cover is distracting because I frankly don't give a shit if I get married again. But if this stupid little book can help me avoid all the brain damage of dating so many losers and not landing the good ones, bring it on.
There are 379 pages of rules and I am only through the first 94 pages, but given the urgency of my situation, I am going for the Cliff Notes edition. I am going to obey the very core Rule and that is Rule #5 - Don't Call Him and Rarely Return His Calls.
It is interesting that this book was written in the 90s prior to the internet, email, texting or Facebook. Quaint but one can pretty much extrapolate the same for new media.
So I am now ignoring everyone and sure enough, they are coming out of the wood work.
First off, Mr. Craigslist kept sending me Facebook notes implying I should call him. I ignored him and he finally called yesterday and we went out last night.
We met up at a local brewpub and I arrived first. Spaceman unfortunately was there and sidles over. "You look all dolled up," he says as he plants his ass on the stool next to me. "Yes, I'm on a date. Can you please go away?" I hissed at him. "MMM! You smell nice too! Did you curl your hair?"
"You are like a troll under a bridge," I told him as I literally shoved him off the stool. But too late. Mr. CL walks in and I have the awkwardness of introducing them. "This is a photographer I've worked with. He was just leaving."
We ended up at a nice inn for dinner and drinks but CL was distracted. He had spent the afternoon at the hospital with his mother with a broken ankle. He actually LEFT her at the hospital so as to not break off the date with me. "Oh my god, if you need to leave, I totally understand." "Nah, she was unconscious anyway." He was distracted and unhappy for most of the evening, looking at his watch and noting when the time came that she was scheduled for surgery.
As we finished up our cocktails my cell phone buzzed with the tattletale sound of a text message. "Don't you want to get that?" he asked. I played it cool and ignored it - it could be no good. Probably Spaceman continuing his heckling digitally. So I scurried into the restroom with my phone. It was from Wild Thing. "Hope you had a nice New Year. Talk to you this week."
I instantly typed in a reply ... then remembered Rule #5. Don't call him, and rarely return his calls. I deleted my text without sending it and coolly put the phone back in my purse. This is going to be tough but I felt in control for the first time in a long time.
The date ended early and in a Beldar-like fashion (KJ will know what this means). It's all or nothing with me - and in this case, it was a big nothing. According to Rule #9, dates #1-3 should be like "being and nothingness - dress nice, be nice, good bye and go home. Not too much investment." Boy, I've been doing this one wrong! By Rules standards, this was a great date, but by my standards, not so much. There will not be a fourth date with this guy.
Meanwhile back at the ranch, a friend has introduced me to a nice guy I talked to at length by phone (yes, he called me). We had made plans for last night that I cancelled due to Mr. CL (very un-Rules like but I'm still a beginner here). "That will just make him want you even more," loyal blog reader KJ dished. She's probably right. If I'm just abusive, rude and non-responsive, I'll have them all at my fingertips.
So let's see how I did this week as a Rules Girl:
Rule #1 - Be a Creature Unlike Any Other - check
Rule #2 - Don't Talk to a Man First - check (at least the last 3)
Rule #4 - Don't Go Dutch on a Date - check (good to know this)
Rule #5 - Don't Call Him & Rarely Return His Calls - tough but working on it
Rule #7 - Don't Accept a Sat. Night Date after Wednesday (I am way too busy to follow this one)
Rule #8 - Fill up Your Time Before the Date - check, did my nails, hair, had a glass of wine
Rule # 9 - How to Act on Dates 1-3 - need to work on this one; 50/50 success rate
Rule #11 - Always End the Date First - check
That's as far as I've gotten in the book. I'm going to focus on #5 since I have already seen its effect on Wild Thing. I've got the day off from work, I'm in my PJs and I've got another 237 pages of Rules to go through.
Thursday, January 01, 2009
Happy Fucking New Year!
Greetings from the great white north on this, the first day of 2009, what can only be a better year than 2008. Of course, I said that in 2008 about 2007 and look what happened.
But this year starts on a bright note. The Secret might just be right. After practicing saying, "I am worth more than a Maple Latte," the new guy I'm seeing (see Wild Thing post) gave me ... a jacket. And a really nice one at that.
"Your wish is my command," you will recall the Genie's mantra. Apparently I have just not been asking for enough. Not that I'm in this for the stuff, mind you. It's just nice to feel worth more than a cup of coffee.
So the new guy. Yes, definite potential. And interestingly enough, following KA's advice to play hard to get TOTALLY worked. I hate to think that men are that simple. "When I didn't hear back from you Monday, I thought you weren't interested in me any more. It just made you even more attractive," Wild Thing confessed on our Wed. night outing. I find this amazing. It is so totally what He's Just Not That Into You (HJNTIY) tells you to do, and the Rules, and every other dating advice book out there. And of course, it is exactly what I have never tried before.
So between HJNTIY and the Secret, I have wished an attractive, wealthy and generous being into my life, who gave me a cozy jacket as an added bonus. Incidentally, this is singularly the most generous act of ANY of the losers previously documented herein.
And for further evidence that the "hard to get" approach works, Mr. Craigslist also resurfaced. And a call from a guy another girlfriend wants to introduce me to. Maybe I need to install one of those ticket thingies they have a supermarket delis. Now that I've got the Secret and HJNTIY working for me, they're coming out of the woodwork.
So back to Wed. night. He took me out for dinner with some of his friends from work. He is so smitten that he has already told them about me and confided that "they approve of me." Because I live in a small town, we had 2 encounters with two of my former paramours during the course of his week here. First, when he came to my office, PAL sauntered in unannounced and uninvited and started gabbing about god knows what. I had to ask him to come back some other time. Then when we went out to dinner, the waitress came over and said our first round of drinks were covered ... by Spaceman who works washing DISHES there in his spare time. He bought a drink for me and my DATE. Talk about no hard feelings.
So Wild Thing is back in Rhode Island and I sit here in my living room in front of a warm wood stove on a cold New Year's Day. True, we'll have to figure out the distance thing, even though he does have business interests in the Valley. I know the phone will ring later - it is easier to will it to happen than to force it by dialing first.
But this year starts on a bright note. The Secret might just be right. After practicing saying, "I am worth more than a Maple Latte," the new guy I'm seeing (see Wild Thing post) gave me ... a jacket. And a really nice one at that.
"Your wish is my command," you will recall the Genie's mantra. Apparently I have just not been asking for enough. Not that I'm in this for the stuff, mind you. It's just nice to feel worth more than a cup of coffee.
So the new guy. Yes, definite potential. And interestingly enough, following KA's advice to play hard to get TOTALLY worked. I hate to think that men are that simple. "When I didn't hear back from you Monday, I thought you weren't interested in me any more. It just made you even more attractive," Wild Thing confessed on our Wed. night outing. I find this amazing. It is so totally what He's Just Not That Into You (HJNTIY) tells you to do, and the Rules, and every other dating advice book out there. And of course, it is exactly what I have never tried before.
So between HJNTIY and the Secret, I have wished an attractive, wealthy and generous being into my life, who gave me a cozy jacket as an added bonus. Incidentally, this is singularly the most generous act of ANY of the losers previously documented herein.
And for further evidence that the "hard to get" approach works, Mr. Craigslist also resurfaced. And a call from a guy another girlfriend wants to introduce me to. Maybe I need to install one of those ticket thingies they have a supermarket delis. Now that I've got the Secret and HJNTIY working for me, they're coming out of the woodwork.
So back to Wed. night. He took me out for dinner with some of his friends from work. He is so smitten that he has already told them about me and confided that "they approve of me." Because I live in a small town, we had 2 encounters with two of my former paramours during the course of his week here. First, when he came to my office, PAL sauntered in unannounced and uninvited and started gabbing about god knows what. I had to ask him to come back some other time. Then when we went out to dinner, the waitress came over and said our first round of drinks were covered ... by Spaceman who works washing DISHES there in his spare time. He bought a drink for me and my DATE. Talk about no hard feelings.
So Wild Thing is back in Rhode Island and I sit here in my living room in front of a warm wood stove on a cold New Year's Day. True, we'll have to figure out the distance thing, even though he does have business interests in the Valley. I know the phone will ring later - it is easier to will it to happen than to force it by dialing first.
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