The sun is shining. Winter is over. Spring has sprung. And I've decided to emerge from my cave and poke my nose back out into the wonderful wibbly world of dating once again after a looong hiatus. I went back to my long abandoned online dating profiles.
I have decided to be MUCH more selective in who I will give my time to, even for a phone call let alone a first date. And since you can select who you want to contact you (or who you want to search out as well), I set some of that criteria higher as well. However, I'd like to propose that these sites add this search criteria because it would save us ladies a LOT of effort:
No photos of dogs -If your dog is the best thing about you, you are not my man.
No photos of guys on ATVs or Snowmobiles -It's just not going to work. I just saw one profile with two photos - one of his ATV and one of his dog. BZZZZZZZZZZT.
Family photos - I love kids and family but if you don't have a single good photo of yourself or if you are using your kids to gain sympathy, I'm not buying it.
IQ Range - why don't they offer this? It would save me so much time.
Country Music Fan - If they can't ask for IQ, this might do the trick.
Beard and Moustache - I swear, every guy my age looks the same. Salt and pepper beard and moustache and balding head. Not truly a deal breaker but guys with just a mustache - yeah, that should be a screening device right there. Handlebar moustaches (yes, just saw one) - they should be shot and just taken right out of the gene pool.
Hot or Not - A "hot or not" filter should be applied as well to all photos.
Now for my profile. I updated it with all photos of me with my guitar. I should just make it clear what I do with my free time. I need to get more photos of me without my glasses as I have found this to be a recent advantage for me, looks-wise.
Rather than come up with my own text, I appropriated lyrics from Bonnie Raitt, because frankly, this says it all:
The men that I've been seeing, baby
Got their soul up on a shelf
you know they could never love me
When they can't even love themselves
But I need someone to love me
Someone to really understand
Who won't put himself above me
Who’ll just love me like a man
I never seen such losers darlin’
even though I try…
…to find a mind who can take me home
’stead of taking me for a ride
And I need someone to love me
I know you can
Believe me when I tell you
you can love me like a man
Oh they want me to rock them
like my back ain't got no bone
I want a man to rock me
like my… backbone was his own
baby, I know you can
Believe me when I tell you
You can love me like a man
I Come home sad and lonely
Feel like I wanna cry
I need someone to hold me
Not some fool to ask me why
And I need someone to love me
Darlin’ I know you can
Don't you put yourself above me
You just love me like a man
So wish me luck -this will be my third summer single. Every summer, I say THIS is the summer I won't be single. I imagine day trips to the beach. Nights around the swimming pool. Romantic evenings at waterfront restaurants. But the way things are going, I'll take a clean-shaven man in a car wihtout a dog.
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