You Were Right

I have terrible news to share.

Those of you who thought my new friend from Craigslist was really a deviant sex criminal, I'm afraid you were right.

I am writing you this from beyond the grave. You will find my battered corpse on the side of the road north of Pinkham Notch. I wish I had listened to my friends who warned me of the dangers of online dating ...

... NOT!

And here it is ... the FACE OF PURE EVIL!
After picking me up Friday night, we ended up tooling over to his condo at a resort in western Maine and had a great time.

The weekend consisted of evil pagan rituals including drinking cream soda, eating barbecue, kayaking and swimming.

He treats me like a princess, spends lavishly on me and opens every door. Who IS this guy?

About the worst I can say about him is that he is afraid to wear open toed shoes and will need to seriously upgrade his "play" clothes if he wants to hang out with an outdoor chick like me. Too much time inside in front of computers, I'm afraid. You can't tell in this photo but he is wearing Dockers and leather shoes in that kayak. It was about 80 degrees and sunny. Just give me time.

While hanging out in the hot tub I queried him about his original ad. It was sooo fucked up and, other than the machine gun, he has been pretty normal, albeit adventurous in many, many respects.

He replied, "The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over but it can't. Not without your help. But you're not helping. What do you do?"

"Huh?"

"It's from the movie Blade Runner. It was how they could tell the difference between humans and replicants." he continued.

"Are you telling me you wanted to be sure no computers responded to your Craigslist ad?"

"No, but it was a way to get rid of losers who just respond to every ad they find in there. It was a way for me to find the right person because no one else would have responded."

Is that fucking brilliant or what?

Now excuse me. I'm heading out to LL Bean. I'm going to buy him some Tevas and a pair of shorts. Other than that, things are off to a great start.