Chicken Salad and Tea

George Costanza:

Yeah. No, no, no, wait a minute. I always have tuna on toast. Nothing's ever worked out for me with tuna on toast. I want the complete opposite of tuna on toast. Chicken salad on rye, untoasted, with a side of potato salad and a cup of tea.

Elaine Benes:

Well, there's no telling what can happen from this.

Jerry Seinfeld:

You know, chicken salad's not the opposite of tuna. Salmon's the opposite of tuna, because salmon swim again the current and the tuna swim with it.

George Costanza:

Good for the tuna.


My strategy of doing everything the opposite of what I usually do is working out swimmingly.

I continue to ignore Lonnie's bad writing skills, a trait which formerly would've sent me scurrying. Who gives a shit how many exclamation points follow his missive stating how much he can't wait to see me again.

And for what it's worth, I want you to know that he actually reads books. He had a biography of Benjamin Franklin he is reading on his coffee table - and no, it wasn't the Scholastic edition. He's been telling me about his work at the state house to pass education reform and a new teacher's union contract. For the teacher's sake, I just hope he didn't WRITE the contract.

And now Valentine's Day looms large this weekend. It's been a looooong time since I've been anyone's Valentine. My ex and I used special occasions like Valentine's Day, our wedding anniversary and birthdays to torture each other and use extortion tactics to hurt each other. I recall our last February 14th together, when I ripped up the card I had bought him and threw it at him. Good times!

But in talking with Lonnie (oops - almost typed Loonie just then) this week, he is asking what types of flowers I like for when he comes up this weekend. And this is making me antsy.

I'm thinking I have to get something for him too. Which card to get would be a loaded question. Nothing with "love" in it. Way too soon for that. Are there Valentine's that say "I think you're hot but want to leave it at that." So I'll be stopping by Hallmark today to find a card to express my ambivilence in an upbeat yet non-commital way.

"I've told my mother about you," he added after the flower question. "She'd like to meet you."

Holy cripes! What the hell is this? It's been three years of prolific yet casual dating and now ... (ominous music) I'd like you to meet my mother.

I think it is telling that Valentine's Day is preceeded by Friday the 13th this week.